The Gift of Cat (And Other Monday Morning Reframes)
How a change in routine (and a furry friend) helped us trade Monday morning meltdowns for a little more grace.
Two years ago, I dreaded Mondays.
I would try hard to make Monday mornings pleasant. I had visions of waking up my teen daughter for a lovely day of homeschooling, discussion, and bonding as mother and daughter.
The problem? My daughter’s ADHD brain wasn’t having it.
I’d urge her to wake up.
From under the blankets, I’d hear her grunt, “Urgggh.”
Ten minutes later, we’d repeat the cycle.
An hour later, I’d be irritated. I’d “encourage” her (not so nicely) to get up, or I’d take her phone away.
She’d yell back at me. And refuse to get up.
I’d cry. Where did we go wrong?
Accepting the “What Is”
What went wrong is that I was trying to mold my week into “the way it should be.” And while that might work for many families, it didn’t work for my neurodivergent daughter. For her, Mondays marked the beginning of a week that would likely end in not measuring up, demands she couldn’t meet, and behavior expectations that she couldn’t fulfill.
She was paralyzed with fear and couldn’t bring herself to face the day.
And all my encouragement and cheerleading didn’t work. The truth is, I didn’t understand her brain. In many ways, I still don’t.
But in my circle of friends, I felt alone. Nobody understood our struggle. Other kids were motivated by good grades, goals, and aspirations. My daughter ran and hid from the world.
It wasn’t until we went to therapy that I found out many neurodivergent kids struggle with Monday mornings…and getting up for school in general. Chronic absenteeism from school isn’t all that unusual.
We were fortunate to homeschool. Even though our mornings were tough, my daughter was getting some schoolwork done each week.
The Grace-Paced Reframe
I began to think about what we could do to make Monday mornings easier. More accurately, I began to change my thinking about Monday mornings.
Even though I’m generally a type-A-get-things-done kind of person, my daughter is most definitely not. She wanders through life, smelling the roses. She goes on side-quests that distract her from school, but also enhance her life.
How could I help her accomplish what she needed to do in school, while respecting her fear of failure and her need to move slowly through life?
I changed up the morning routine. Now it looks something like this:
7:00 am - My husband gives her “the gift of cat.” In other words, he deposits her cat into bed with her. Petting her cat helps regulate her nervous system.
7:30 am - Her alarm goes off. I call out a gentle “Good Morning!”
7:35 am - I call her on her cell phone. She has a cute way of answering, “Yes, mother?” that cracks me up. I laugh. She laughs. We’re off to a good start. I promise to make her pancakes while she gets ready.
7:40 am - I make pancakes while she gets up. Around 8:00, she comes downstairs to eat breakfast. While she eats, we usually read a devotional book together and start our day with Jesus. We pray together. Then she heads upstairs to do her schoolwork, while I do chores around the house.
Does she still complain about getting up? I’d be lying if I said no. But there is no more fighting.
Why the Gentle Wake-Up Works for Her
My daughter, like most teens with ADHD, has an overactive nervous system. She doesn’t mean to be defiant. Her nervous system just goes into fight or flight easily, and a harsh, quick wake-up sends her into fight mode within seconds.
By using sensory tools (the cat), humor (the phone call), and a small reward (a breakfast she likes), her nervous system isn’t as activated, and she is better able to function.
Spending time reflecting on Jesus helps us both start our day in the right frame of mind to handle challenges that come up throughout the day.
Most days don’t run perfectly, but by starting the day with Jesus, we’re reminded of the grace He gave us…and it reminds us to afford each other the same grace.
How the Gentle Wake-Up Works for Me
I was pleased to find that the gentle wake-up helps my daughter start her week well. What I was not expecting was how much this grace-paced wake-up would help me.
I’m a morning person. I hit the ground running. By mid-morning, I usually have all of my chores done for the day. And I’ve been that way since I can remember.
Slowing down in the morning has opened my eyes to everything I was missing.
While making pancakes in my kitchen, I’ve seen beautiful sunrises.
Instead of fighting with my daughter about getting out of bed, I’ve had time to do my own Bible reading and pray.
Our quiet talks on the sofa while reading devotional books and praying together have created a much stronger mother-daughter bond.
Even though I’m very task-oriented, I’ve found this slower start to the week a refreshing change.
Small Shifts For Your Own Monday
Are you stressed this morning? Do Monday mornings hit you like a ton of bricks instead of welcoming you into the week gently?
Maybe a mindset shift is in order.
What can you do to be kind to your nervous system? I don’t want to add to your to-do list…that’s just stressful. But maybe making a subtle shift is all you need.
Stretching before getting out of bed.
Listening to the Bible or worship music while getting dressed.
Burning a calming candle while putting on your makeup.
Praying during your morning commute.
None of these things adds time to your morning routine, but they serve to settle your nervous system before it has a chance to get overwhelmed for the day.
Sometimes we can’t change what the day holds for us. But we can shift our mindset before we reach the harsh reality of the day…and that softens the blow and sometimes even changes the trajectory of the whole day.
Today, remember, enough is a myth, unless it’s preceded by the word “good.” A “good enough” Monday is a beautiful thing.
What is one tiny shift you could make for a gentler Monday morning? I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments.